1
00:00:00,610 --> 00:00:05,390
You could be skiing in the mountains two
hours later, swimming in the Pacific.

2
00:00:06,910 --> 00:00:08,290
Avocados in the back garden.

3
00:00:08,590 --> 00:00:10,810
My brother said we can stay at his
house.

4
00:00:11,350 --> 00:00:12,910
It'll be OK until we get fixed up.

5
00:00:13,790 --> 00:00:16,140
Anything's better than this dump of a
country.

6
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:19,890
Well, what am I going to do with those
Lindisfarne tickets?

7
00:00:20,910 --> 00:00:23,200
I've got a load of washing for the
laundrette.

8
00:00:24,450 --> 00:00:26,890
I can't go and leave Mum just like that.

9
00:00:27,350 --> 00:00:28,400
Bill.

10
00:00:28,750 --> 00:00:30,230
I'm asking you to marry me.

11
00:00:32,009 --> 00:00:33,059
Yes, I know.

12
00:00:35,570 --> 00:00:37,070
Malcolm, I need time to think.

13
00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:38,750
It's all so sudden.

14
00:01:00,010 --> 00:01:03,810
This is the moment that'll decide
everything.

15
00:01:23,050 --> 00:01:24,970
That'll be five quid, please, darling.

16
00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:58,840
Get up, I can manage.

17
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,900
Thanks for doing the dishes.

18
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:14,180
Thanks for hanging up the washing.

19
00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:21,099
By the way, when I said take the rubbish
out, dumping it on the floor is not

20
00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:22,240
quite what I had in mind.

21
00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:29,090
I asked you, Walter.

22
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:32,820
Oh, what's the use?

23
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:34,540
Is everything all right?

24
00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:37,860
Yes, it's wonderful.

25
00:02:37,861 --> 00:02:38,959
Oh, OK.

26
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:42,679
And the subtitles, for those of the hard
-of -thinking reads, know it bloody

27
00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:47,499
well isn't. I left this house clean and
tidy two hours ago, and I'd come back to

28
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:50,879
find this room, which would look better
if I'd got Chumbawamba round to trash

29
00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:51,930
it.

30
00:02:52,140 --> 00:02:54,490
Well, I was going to do it in a minute.
In a minute.

31
00:02:54,620 --> 00:02:55,670
Tomorrow.

32
00:02:55,820 --> 00:02:58,170
When the Teletubbies have elocution
lessons.

33
00:02:58,171 --> 00:02:58,919
Oh, what?

34
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:00,640
Well, why didn't you then?

35
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:02,140
All the things to do.

36
00:03:02,420 --> 00:03:04,280
And who's been sticking to the phone?

37
00:03:04,281 --> 00:03:05,519
Oh, actually, you.

38
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,960
Right. Somebody phoned for you
yesterday.

39
00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:09,880
Well, thanks for telling me.

40
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:12,730
It's blank.

41
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:14,110
Didn't have a pen.

42
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,330
I see.

43
00:03:18,180 --> 00:03:22,680
Um... Do I get to know who it is? Are
you saving that till tomorrow?

44
00:03:22,681 --> 00:03:23,619
Hang on, hang on.

45
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:24,670
Malcolm, someone.

46
00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:28,099
I don't know anyone called Malcolm. Said
he was over on business from the

47
00:03:28,100 --> 00:03:29,840
States. Got the number from your mum.

48
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:31,530
Malcolm?

49
00:03:32,060 --> 00:03:33,110
Malcolm Walker?

50
00:03:33,111 --> 00:03:35,059
Yeah, that's it. He said he popped round
this afternoon.

51
00:03:35,060 --> 00:03:36,300
He's coming here? When?

52
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:37,770
Half past four.

53
00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:38,950
Oh, God!

54
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,050
Who's Malcolm?

55
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,580
If you might know, he's an old
boyfriend.

56
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:44,350
Ooh!

57
00:03:44,540 --> 00:03:46,800
What do you mean, ooh? It was ages ago.

58
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:49,930
Yeah, your mum was entitled to a pass,
you know. Malcolm!

59
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,020
Keep her time, Malcolm!

60
00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:54,130
Arrival.

61
00:03:54,131 --> 00:03:56,779
Just getting a little bit hot under the
collar.

62
00:03:56,780 --> 00:03:58,820
Hot under the collar. Look at this.

63
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:06,510
What do I have to be worried about from
that?

64
00:04:51,470 --> 00:04:53,030
There's no denying these two. Hi.

65
00:04:54,010 --> 00:04:55,510
And you must be Ben.

66
00:04:55,511 --> 00:04:58,289
Thought I'd drop in out of the blue like
this.

67
00:04:58,290 --> 00:05:00,210
Hope I'm not keeping you from anything.

68
00:05:00,410 --> 00:05:02,030
Gladiators, but we're taping it.

69
00:05:03,010 --> 00:05:07,610
So, you're an old flame then? Oh, Jenny,
Malcolm and I are old friends.

70
00:05:08,030 --> 00:05:09,530
Come on, Bill, no need to be coy.

71
00:05:09,950 --> 00:05:11,250
We nearly got married.

72
00:05:12,870 --> 00:05:16,360
Right, well, that was great. Next time
you're passing through London.

73
00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:18,900
Married? Yeah, I wanted to go to
California.

74
00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,059
Bill didn't.

75
00:05:20,060 --> 00:05:22,000
You turned down California. You're mad.

76
00:05:22,380 --> 00:05:24,880
Well, I was worried about leaving Mum.

77
00:05:24,881 --> 00:05:26,659
You could have bonged her in a home.

78
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:27,710
She was 45.

79
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:33,480
Look, if this is a bit awkward, maybe I
shall... No, no, no way.

80
00:05:34,180 --> 00:05:38,699
Any ex -fiancé of Bill's who went off to
America wearing a kipper tie 20 years

81
00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:41,919
ago and then comes back a rich and
successful businessman, much to

82
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,060
surprise, I don't mind.

83
00:05:44,860 --> 00:05:47,750
What are you all standing around here
for? Let's sit down.

84
00:05:47,751 --> 00:05:51,569
You know, I remember that last dinner we
had together as if it was yesterday.

85
00:05:51,570 --> 00:05:52,770
Remember the blizzard?

86
00:05:52,890 --> 00:05:54,870
And we drank Bacardi and Coke.

87
00:05:56,550 --> 00:05:59,750
Remember the plumber with the cleavage?

88
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:06,910
Oh, uh, we could just do a little thing.

89
00:06:17,201 --> 00:06:19,229
A watch?

90
00:06:19,230 --> 00:06:22,110
Ah, it's also a recorder for memos.

91
00:06:23,570 --> 00:06:25,920
Hello, sucker, guess what I'm doing
tonight?

92
00:06:26,930 --> 00:06:27,980
Press that.

93
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,780
Hello, sucker, guess what I'm doing
tonight?

94
00:06:31,230 --> 00:06:32,280
No question.

95
00:06:33,070 --> 00:06:35,540
You can't give us all that, will you?
Yes, you can.

96
00:06:37,450 --> 00:06:39,690
Right, well, shall we have some tea?

97
00:06:39,950 --> 00:06:42,370
I'd love to, but promise me one thing.

98
00:06:42,790 --> 00:06:45,230
You won't let me bore you with all my
stories.

99
00:06:45,690 --> 00:06:46,740
Promise?

100
00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:50,860
Suddenly, there's a massive splash.

101
00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:55,959
I go running out on the balcony, and
there, in the swimming pool, is a fully

102
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,480
clothed Kevin Costner.

103
00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:02,839
He looks up at me and says, Malky, I
thought the Waterworld auditions were

104
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:03,890
next Tuesday.

105
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,600
Come on, then. Let's take more photos.

106
00:07:08,601 --> 00:07:12,179
Oh, no, you don't want to see any more.
Oh, yes, we do. Oh, no, you don't. We

107
00:07:12,180 --> 00:07:13,230
do. No, we don't.

108
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,460
One photo, please, Malky.

109
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,050
OK.

110
00:07:20,419 --> 00:07:25,619
This is the view from my bedroom
balcony. That is the whole of the

111
00:07:25,620 --> 00:07:26,670
Hills.

112
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:29,960
That's my house right there, just under
the ollie at the time.

113
00:07:30,380 --> 00:07:33,280
And that is the view from my main
window.

114
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:35,420
Oh, why can't we have a view like that?

115
00:07:35,660 --> 00:07:39,820
If you stand on the chest in David's
room, you can see the Hammersmith

116
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,010
Should I?

117
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,900
Well, that's enough of me going on and
on.

118
00:07:46,270 --> 00:07:49,760
Don't worry about Ben. He gets ratty on
days he hasn't been on the swing.

119
00:07:52,190 --> 00:07:53,240
I'd better be going.

120
00:07:53,710 --> 00:07:56,870
No doubt Ben's got all sorts of plans
for you tonight.

121
00:07:56,871 --> 00:08:00,349
Oh, yes, a mega -bucket from Kentucky
Fried Chicken, wasn't it?

122
00:08:00,350 --> 00:08:02,610
And a game of Kaplunk, if you please.

123
00:08:10,810 --> 00:08:12,810
So, how long are you in London for?

124
00:08:13,170 --> 00:08:14,220
Till Friday.

125
00:08:14,221 --> 00:08:16,249
We're launching our latest software.

126
00:08:16,250 --> 00:08:19,380
There's up to Scotland to catch up on
some golf for the weekend.

127
00:08:20,170 --> 00:08:21,220
And I'm to Paris.

128
00:08:22,430 --> 00:08:23,480
Right.

129
00:08:24,110 --> 00:08:25,550
What are you doing this week?

130
00:08:26,110 --> 00:08:31,449
Apart from work. Oh, doing the VAT,
clearing the drain cover, trying to fish

131
00:08:31,450 --> 00:08:33,680
arthritis bangle out of the waste
disposal.

132
00:08:35,169 --> 00:08:36,219
No time for lunch?

133
00:08:39,750 --> 00:08:40,800
Sorry.

134
00:08:41,730 --> 00:08:43,789
Just got the fold drawn by myself, then.

135
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,260
So you're never married?

136
00:08:47,580 --> 00:08:49,260
You're a tough act to follow, Bill.

137
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,140
And Kevin Costner lived next door.

138
00:08:55,780 --> 00:08:59,270
And Arnold Schwarzenegger shared a flat
with Batman across the road.

139
00:09:00,220 --> 00:09:02,180
And Donald Duck ran the corner shop.

140
00:09:02,181 --> 00:09:06,899
Yeah, well, we've got famous people here
in Chiswick, you know. Oh, yeah.

141
00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:09,999
There's a woman down the road who's got
a friend whose cousin's Reg Varney's

142
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:11,050
dentist.

143
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:14,549
Are you still out there? What's going
on?

144
00:09:14,550 --> 00:09:15,600
Nothing.

145
00:09:19,630 --> 00:09:26,569
You do? I don't. You do? I don't. You
still fancy him, I

146
00:09:26,570 --> 00:09:27,209
can tell.

147
00:09:27,210 --> 00:09:30,250
Well, OK, I might still have a bit of a
soft spot.

148
00:09:30,251 --> 00:09:31,409
I knew it!

149
00:09:31,410 --> 00:09:34,890
Rona, I said a soft spot. We're not
talking nine and a half weeks.

150
00:09:35,970 --> 00:09:37,090
Not any more, anyway.

151
00:09:38,230 --> 00:09:40,710
Still presses all the right buttons. No!

152
00:09:40,711 --> 00:09:44,879
I haven't forgotten the old pin number.
Look, just forget about Malcolm, will

153
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:49,059
you? I will if you will. Rona, I'm
telling you, if your phone rang right

154
00:09:49,060 --> 00:09:50,840
it was him asking me out, I'd say no.

155
00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:56,750
Hello?

156
00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:58,770
What?

157
00:09:59,260 --> 00:10:00,310
Yes, it is.

158
00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:07,160
Well, it's a bit sudden, but... All
right, I will.

159
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,300
Yes. All right, then.

160
00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:14,890
I did.

161
00:10:14,940 --> 00:10:18,660
I just ordered 12 extra kilos of salami
from the meat hole sale.

162
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,090
Oh, very funny.

163
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:31,270
Hello? Yes, Bill Porter, yes, she is.
Who shall I say is calling?

164
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:34,970
It's him.

165
00:10:36,680 --> 00:10:37,730
Hello?

166
00:10:43,430 --> 00:10:44,480
Tomorrow?

167
00:10:45,990 --> 00:10:48,370
I really don't think I can.

168
00:10:49,790 --> 00:10:52,910
Look, I can't talk now. Maybe I'll call
you back later.

169
00:10:54,110 --> 00:10:55,160
All right.

170
00:10:55,910 --> 00:10:56,960
Bye.

171
00:10:59,110 --> 00:11:01,650
He just asked me away to Scotland for
the weekend.

172
00:11:02,190 --> 00:11:04,850
What? Oh, separate rooms, just as
friends.

173
00:11:05,370 --> 00:11:06,420
Oh!

174
00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:09,470
Oh, it would have been lovely, wouldn't
it?

175
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:15,799
Crackling fires, silver service meals,
walks in the glen, someone to make your

176
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,220
bed, those tiny little soaps that you
steal every day.

177
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:23,800
Why do you automatically say would have
been?

178
00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,410
Well, you wouldn't, would you? Why are
you so certain of that?

179
00:11:27,940 --> 00:11:31,660
Oh, you just wouldn't. You're a mother,
you're sensible.

180
00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,130
I see.

181
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:38,369
Well, say people are like cars. You
know, I'm sort of a second -hand MG,

182
00:11:38,370 --> 00:11:42,009
overheating, bit on the wild side,
and... And I'm a full fiesta with one

183
00:11:42,010 --> 00:11:45,450
owner. Yes, no, I mean... Apart from
mine to go, I really have.

184
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:49,690
Really? Well, it's worse than ever at
home.

185
00:11:49,691 --> 00:11:53,769
They're all just so incapable of doing
anything for themselves, and they're

186
00:11:53,770 --> 00:11:58,370
turning me into a sour, tired,
resentful, angry, hectoring old bat.

187
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,390
They're just being a bit thoughtless at
the moment.

188
00:12:05,740 --> 00:12:11,019
Why don't you sit them down, explain how
you feel, and then tomorrow morning you

189
00:12:11,020 --> 00:12:13,670
can have a nice lie -in and wake up to
breakfast in bed.

190
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,060
going to give me breakfast in bed?

191
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:42,450
Oh, yeah.

192
00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:45,720
Tell you what, you go back and I'll get
you a burger.

193
00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:50,920
Jenny, you said you were going to start
on that ironing.

194
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:52,250
I'll do it later.

195
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:53,850
Hold this a sec.

196
00:12:53,851 --> 00:12:58,039
It's been half an hour strapping
yourself to a chimney, only to find out

197
00:12:58,040 --> 00:12:59,090
need a Philips.

198
00:12:59,091 --> 00:13:02,279
I know, I know. I said I was going to do
it, but we've run out of Hoover bags.

199
00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,299
And when I went down the high street to
get some more, the bloke showed me this

200
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:09,359
new model. Look at that. giant screen
surrounds our 97 satellite channels. And

201
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,199
we've got it on a free trial period
until the end of April. Nothing to pay

202
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,400
then, subject to status.

203
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,500
Oh, and I forgot the Hoover bags.

204
00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:17,270
Just a minute.

205
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:21,940
I can't believe you've done this. You
know how I feel about those things.

206
00:13:21,941 --> 00:13:25,359
Why didn't you consult me before you
brought it into the house?

207
00:13:25,360 --> 00:13:27,839
Well, you won't have to. This is exactly
the sort of thing I was trying to

208
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:31,500
explain to you about last night. Don't
you realise how it makes me feel?

209
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,840
I would like to feel valued in this
house.

210
00:13:34,841 --> 00:13:37,019
Valued? Well, you should have said.

211
00:13:37,020 --> 00:13:39,440
I did try to drop a few hints.

212
00:13:39,441 --> 00:13:41,439
Yeah, well, we're not very good at
hints.

213
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,790
You know us. You really have to spell
things out.

214
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,090
Spell it out? Yeah.

215
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:46,930
Right.

216
00:14:29,709 --> 00:14:30,759
Let's go, okay?

217
00:14:35,230 --> 00:14:38,360
I phoned Malcolm from upstairs. He's
meeting me at the airport.

218
00:14:38,390 --> 00:14:40,690
What are you going to tell Ben?

219
00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:42,210
I really don't care.

220
00:14:42,770 --> 00:14:44,570
Brilliant, it's me he's going to ask.

221
00:14:45,590 --> 00:14:48,780
Tell him I'm staying with someone, one
of my old school friends.

222
00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:50,220
Lie to him?

223
00:14:50,410 --> 00:14:52,640
Doesn't it feel like telling him the
truth?

224
00:14:53,110 --> 00:14:54,670
I'll lie to her, he'll be kinder.

225
00:14:55,670 --> 00:14:58,920
Which of these old school friends are
you staying with exactly?

226
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:03,190
What about that one up in Yorkshire, you
know, with the funny leg?

227
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:08,119
Funny leg? Yes, you're always talking
about her. She's got a husband who loves

228
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,590
Jonathan Ross and her son's in a mental
hospital.

229
00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:11,870
Gloria Connors?

230
00:15:11,940 --> 00:15:14,120
Yeah. She's got a funny leg.

231
00:15:14,940 --> 00:15:15,990
Made me laugh.

232
00:15:16,420 --> 00:15:19,370
She seems to certainly like the shape of
Diana Ross before.

233
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,010
She won't like that.

234
00:15:21,011 --> 00:15:23,319
Spatter, anyway. What about her?

235
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:24,370
She's dead.

236
00:15:24,380 --> 00:15:26,760
Oh, typical. Where is she when we need
her?

237
00:15:30,139 --> 00:15:34,400
Mary Binney, she'll do, lives in
Hastings with yards of chintz and a sick

238
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:37,930
She's trying to get him to visit her for
15 years. Tell him it's her.

239
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,320
Bill, I hope you know what you're doing.

240
00:15:40,820 --> 00:15:43,650
Relax. Nothing's going to happen. We're
just old friends.

241
00:15:59,320 --> 00:16:00,370
Oh, God.

242
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:09,750
Try the freezer. Sometimes it gets a
load from there.

243
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,280
One haddock fillet.

244
00:16:13,891 --> 00:16:15,879
What's happened?

245
00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:17,800
What? Mum hasn't done the weekend shop.

246
00:16:17,801 --> 00:16:20,479
She can't go away without doing the
weekend shop.

247
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,410
Look, it's no problem. We can do it.
Yeah.

248
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:23,530
Yeah, you're right.

249
00:16:23,531 --> 00:16:26,749
Well, you sometimes go with her, don't
you? Try and remember what she gets.

250
00:16:26,750 --> 00:16:30,000
Yeah, well, I just pushed the trolley.
She's bungled the stuff in.

251
00:16:30,110 --> 00:16:31,160
Right.

252
00:16:33,510 --> 00:16:37,330
We start off in the greeny vegetable -y
bit. She puts a lot of stuff in now.

253
00:16:38,270 --> 00:16:39,590
Then we go up to the warm bit.

254
00:16:39,930 --> 00:16:41,010
Then it's the cold bit.

255
00:16:41,011 --> 00:16:45,569
It's the very smelly bit where everyone
wears white coats and we have to take a

256
00:16:45,570 --> 00:16:46,620
ticket.

257
00:16:46,621 --> 00:16:48,969
Then there's the bit with all the
bottles.

258
00:16:48,970 --> 00:16:50,029
Then we're at the checkout.

259
00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:51,710
The trolley's full of stuff by now.

260
00:16:52,490 --> 00:16:54,610
I have a cream egg from the sweet rack.

261
00:16:56,430 --> 00:16:57,480
That's it.

262
00:16:57,570 --> 00:16:59,550
Brilliant. What would we do without you?

263
00:16:59,650 --> 00:17:00,700
I know.

264
00:17:01,050 --> 00:17:03,280
Shall I ask Rona to do it? That's
ridiculous.

265
00:17:03,281 --> 00:17:06,389
Surely we can do our own shopping. Yeah,
yeah, you're right. We're big boys now.

266
00:17:06,390 --> 00:17:07,890
We can crack this one together.

267
00:17:09,970 --> 00:17:11,170
Look, it's quite simple.

268
00:17:11,310 --> 00:17:12,970
That one's 20 minutes at 180.

269
00:17:13,690 --> 00:17:17,430
This one's 30 minutes at 170. Hang on,
hang on.

270
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:22,109
20 at 180.

271
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,530
170 at...

272
00:17:26,469 --> 00:17:27,770
30... 30 is 170.

273
00:17:28,450 --> 00:17:29,790
Hang on a minute.

274
00:17:30,870 --> 00:17:32,370
Our oven only goes up till 9.

275
00:17:32,930 --> 00:17:36,870
That means it'll take... 20 and a half
hours.

276
00:17:37,870 --> 00:17:41,930
Of course, your gas. No, in that case,
it's 20 for 9 or 30 for 7.

277
00:17:42,510 --> 00:17:44,430
Don't you bet 7? That's a cricket score.

278
00:17:44,550 --> 00:17:46,670
Oh, no, sorry, other way round. 7 for
30.

279
00:17:47,070 --> 00:17:49,190
7 for 7 .30.

280
00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:50,440
7 for 30.

281
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:53,080
Where's the baking tray?

282
00:17:53,081 --> 00:17:55,539
No, it's all right around here. Look,
you run along.

283
00:17:55,540 --> 00:17:57,599
If I get into trouble, I'll just give
Bill a ring.

284
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,059
Who's she staying with? Mary somebody?

285
00:17:59,060 --> 00:18:02,179
Mary Binnie, but she's ex -directory.
Well, you've got a number, haven't you?

286
00:18:02,180 --> 00:18:04,920
No. Look, I've got to make your lunch
for you.

287
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:06,330
All right.

288
00:18:26,220 --> 00:18:27,840
Six, four, two, three, five, one.

289
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,050
Don't bring her.

290
00:18:31,220 --> 00:18:32,440
I'll make all your meals.

291
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:33,930
All right.

292
00:18:44,241 --> 00:18:47,079
Verona, I'm watching the golf.

293
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,130
You can't. What?

294
00:18:48,380 --> 00:18:49,560
It's bad for your sight.

295
00:18:49,561 --> 00:18:53,039
Aye? Yeah, apparently they've done a
study. All that watching that little

296
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:56,290
flying... through the air can really put
a strain on the retina. Mum!

297
00:18:59,340 --> 00:19:01,140
You've got to get the decision right.

298
00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:04,719
If he flies it over the top, he can run
right through to the back of the green

299
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:08,320
if he... Dad, run, there's some food in
there.

300
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,210
Mum!

301
00:19:12,211 --> 00:19:15,739
Wait a minute, that's Scotland, isn't
it? Isn't that Malcolm?

302
00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:17,220
You told us he was in Hastings.

303
00:19:17,660 --> 00:19:19,980
Well, there's nothing in it.

304
00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:23,260
They're tucked up there as old friends,
separate rooms.

305
00:19:23,879 --> 00:19:25,860
It's all completely innocent, Ben.

306
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,330
Ben?

307
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:31,330
Hello, sucker. Guess what I'm doing
tonight.

308
00:19:31,331 --> 00:19:32,459
Hello, sucker.

309
00:19:32,460 --> 00:19:33,900
Guess what I'm doing tonight.

310
00:19:33,901 --> 00:19:35,679
Hello, sucker.

311
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:37,120
Guess what I'm doing tonight.

312
00:19:37,140 --> 00:19:40,619
Hello, sucker. Guess what... Hello,
sucker. Guess... Hello, sucker. Guess

313
00:19:40,620 --> 00:19:43,870
I'm doing. Hello, sucker. Guess what I'm
doing tonight. Here we are.

314
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,090
We don't want to be sitting in the dark
getting depressed.

315
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:56,419
I know loads of girls have been away for
weekends with guys just as friends and

316
00:19:56,420 --> 00:19:57,500
thought nothing of it.

317
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,910
Well, not exactly loads, but at least
one.

318
00:20:00,911 --> 00:20:04,279
Actually, for the whole weekend. But it
was dinner.

319
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:05,680
And nothing happened.

320
00:20:06,820 --> 00:20:10,460
Well, not that night, anyway. But the
point is, you can trust Bill.

321
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:12,760
It's just a weekend away.

322
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,600
Let her have a break for once.

323
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:18,480
Yeah, I suppose you're right.

324
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:20,810
Come on.

325
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:22,660
You've got to eat something.

326
00:20:24,260 --> 00:20:27,990
You've got all these channels now. There
must be something worth watching.

327
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:35,160
Today on Oprah, six wives who cheated on
their husbands.

328
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:42,799
Soon, the defeated male slinks away to
die while the

329
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:47,540
victorious alpha male prepares to mate
with...

330
00:20:49,441 --> 00:20:51,799
of television for one day.

331
00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,319
Look, Rona, it's all right. I really
don't mind what she's doing.

332
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:55,760
We found out what she's doing.

333
00:20:55,761 --> 00:20:56,499
What do you mean?

334
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:59,859
We made a few calls from David Sassonet.
They're at the Drummond Rocket Castle

335
00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:03,479
Hotel. We've nailed their every move
into sticking in. I don't want to know.

336
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:07,740
They are in two separate rooms. She's in
214 and he's in 457. That confirms.

337
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:09,520
Hey, what did I tell you?

338
00:21:09,521 --> 00:21:13,459
However, according to the building plans
we got from the hotel's website, room

339
00:21:13,460 --> 00:21:19,379
214 is here and room 457 is here and can
be reached by going down the fire

340
00:21:19,380 --> 00:21:22,930
escape. Rusting the curtain and cutting
through the kitchen.

341
00:21:23,170 --> 00:21:26,720
Room 457, just for the record, is one of
three bridal suites with the TV.

342
00:21:26,721 --> 00:21:29,809
Well, that's probably enough to be going
on for now. So far today, they've

343
00:21:29,810 --> 00:21:33,649
watched the golf, gone to the swimming
pool, had champagne cocktails in the

344
00:21:33,650 --> 00:21:36,389
library, and at the moment they're
having dinner together.

345
00:21:36,390 --> 00:21:37,440
Shut up.

346
00:21:39,890 --> 00:21:41,170
Thank you. Thank you.

347
00:21:43,570 --> 00:21:46,350
I could get used to this.

348
00:21:47,750 --> 00:21:49,370
Well, it wasn't always like this.

349
00:21:50,020 --> 00:21:53,820
When I first arrived in the US, I found
myself out on the street within a week.

350
00:21:53,821 --> 00:21:56,679
I thought your brother said you could
stay at his flat.

351
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,600
Yes, but he didn't tell me it was in an
earthquake zone.

352
00:21:59,601 --> 00:22:03,399
I came home one afternoon, found my room
halfway down the cliff and in the

353
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:04,450
Pacific. Oh, no!

354
00:22:05,140 --> 00:22:06,190
Yeah.

355
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:11,200
There I was in a cheap motel, thinking
about everything that I'd left behind.

356
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:19,860
I missed you too, you know.

357
00:22:20,060 --> 00:22:21,110
Really?

358
00:22:22,760 --> 00:22:23,810
Never wrote.

359
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:25,690
No.

360
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,340
I thought it was the best one.

361
00:22:28,460 --> 00:22:29,510
It's walking late.

362
00:22:30,420 --> 00:22:31,470
Yeah.

363
00:22:31,700 --> 00:22:32,750
Happy with the room?

364
00:22:32,940 --> 00:22:34,420
Yes. Very nice.

365
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,160
Can't be changed for my own.

366
00:22:38,140 --> 00:22:39,190
Mine's nice too.

367
00:22:40,260 --> 00:22:41,310
I'm sure it is.

368
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:48,970
I think I'll go up now.

369
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,360
Iron Room 457.

370
00:22:54,080 --> 00:22:55,130
Yes, I know.

371
00:23:12,380 --> 00:23:14,540
I don't want to wait another 20 years.

372
00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:45,240
Hello, can I have room 214, please?

373
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:46,530
Just connecting you.

374
00:23:56,780 --> 00:23:57,830
Ah, Bill!

375
00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,340
Bill, it's Ben. I'm sorry, sir.

376
00:24:13,351 --> 00:24:16,899
What are you doing? Shh, get back to
bed.

377
00:24:16,900 --> 00:24:20,519
You've done it. Dad. It's all right. I
won't be long. There's just something I

378
00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,619
have to pop out and get. Where are you
going?

379
00:24:22,620 --> 00:24:23,670
Scotland.

380
00:24:25,980 --> 00:24:28,560
Just keep calm. Keep calm. Keep your
dignity.

381
00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:34,939
Look, Malcolm, I respect your feelings
for Bill, but we're all adults here and

382
00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:36,500
we have to control our feelings.

383
00:24:40,060 --> 00:24:41,260
Up yours, sunshine!

384
00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:52,490
Starving. I'll have the full English
breakfast with toast and croissant.

385
00:24:52,690 --> 00:24:54,250
Oh, an extra marmalade, please.

386
00:24:54,450 --> 00:24:55,530
Tea or coffee, madam?

387
00:24:56,050 --> 00:24:57,100
Coffee, please.

388
00:24:59,110 --> 00:25:01,280
After that night, I'll need to wake up a
bit.

389
00:25:02,450 --> 00:25:07,630
Now, I know this is a difficult
situation, but what then?

390
00:25:12,250 --> 00:25:14,900
Are you home in trouble? Yes, I've just
had a blowout.

391
00:25:14,901 --> 00:25:17,769
Is this the road to the Drummond's
Rocket Castle Hotel?

392
00:25:17,770 --> 00:25:20,000
That's right. Are you on your way there?
Yeah.

393
00:25:20,130 --> 00:25:21,410
Oh, thank God.

394
00:25:21,710 --> 00:25:22,760
Don't mention it. Bye.

395
00:25:26,370 --> 00:25:29,670
I know this is difficult, but we're all
adults here.

396
00:25:30,590 --> 00:25:32,210
No, no, no, that's not right.

397
00:25:34,090 --> 00:25:35,140
Bill!

398
00:25:35,370 --> 00:25:36,420
Bill!

399
00:25:37,070 --> 00:25:38,120
There you are.

400
00:25:38,121 --> 00:25:39,769
I was looking for you at breakfast.

401
00:25:39,770 --> 00:25:40,820
I got up early.

402
00:25:41,550 --> 00:25:42,930
You look great this morning.

403
00:25:44,151 --> 00:25:45,799
Like a log.

404
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:46,850
You're telling me.

405
00:25:47,180 --> 00:25:49,780
I phoned your room three times last
night.

406
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:51,770
No answer.

407
00:25:51,900 --> 00:25:56,900
Oh. Well, um, I had to wear earplugs. I
got them from reception.

408
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:02,319
Earplugs? Yes, my room faces the
outside, and all I could hear was the

409
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:03,420
of the deer.

410
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:05,290
Deer?

411
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:06,970
Salmon.

412
00:26:07,460 --> 00:26:08,860
Well, whatever they were.

413
00:26:09,740 --> 00:26:14,109
Anyway, I like to have the window open,
so I, uh... sleep in a hat, which is why

414
00:26:14,110 --> 00:26:17,589
I couldn't hear the phone when it was
ringing, or even know it was ringing at

415
00:26:17,590 --> 00:26:20,150
all, which I do because you just told
me.

416
00:26:21,750 --> 00:26:23,150
Well, it was almost tonight.

417
00:26:24,910 --> 00:26:25,960
Yes.

418
00:26:27,490 --> 00:26:28,540
So it's a date.

419
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:37,030
Malcolm, I'd be a liar if I didn't admit
that I still think an awful lot of you.

420
00:26:42,220 --> 00:26:43,270
I love Ben.

421
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:44,690
Ben?

422
00:26:45,060 --> 00:26:50,780
Yes, I know you wouldn't think it to
look at him, but he's very sensitive,

423
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:54,520
thoughtful, and above all, gentle.

424
00:26:56,260 --> 00:26:57,310
Hi.

425
00:26:57,680 --> 00:26:59,400
Ben, what are you doing here?

426
00:27:00,340 --> 00:27:01,390
Malcolm.

427
00:27:01,391 --> 00:27:06,899
Don't get your things, you're coming
back for me. I will not.

428
00:27:06,900 --> 00:27:10,690
Well, you're not staying here with him.
I can do exactly what I like, Malcolm.

429
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,000
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

430
00:27:14,340 --> 00:27:18,439
What do you think you're doing? You
can't just arrive here and knock a

431
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,360
completely innocent man to the ground.

432
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:22,090
Malcolm!

433
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:25,250
Oh!

434
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,600
Shee! Search me.

435
00:27:29,980 --> 00:27:34,620
I'd like to introduce you to Harriet, my
wife.

436
00:27:37,740 --> 00:27:38,800
Your wife?

437
00:27:39,260 --> 00:27:41,300
Yes. Thought you were in Paris, darling.

438
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:54,879
Did you be home by

439
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:55,930
lunchtime?

440
00:27:56,140 --> 00:27:59,879
Tell you the truth, I was getting a bit
fed up with all that fancy food and

441
00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:01,920
people doing everything for you. Really?

442
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:03,650
Yes. Good.

443
00:28:03,651 --> 00:28:06,919
Because all we've got at home is boiling
the bag of haddock and no one's done

444
00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:07,969
the washing up since you've left.

445
00:28:07,970 --> 00:28:12,520
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